uakari: (Doumeki glasses)
[personal profile] uakari





Lone-ely.

Lone-ely.
The shopkeeper is Lone-ely.


That is not fair, that is not true.
This place is always quite a zoo.

But you’ve never gotten laid...

I do not need that, so fuck you -
I do not need a worthless screw.

Would you like some Doumeki?

I would not like some Doumeki.
I would rather fuck a tree.
I do not need a worthless screw.
I do not need it, so fuck you.

But you could fuck him in the house!
And you could get him with the mouse!


I will not fuck that dirty louse.
I will not dirty up my mouse.
I would rather fuck a tree
Than fuck that rotten Doumeki.
I do not need a worthless screw.
I do not need it, so fuck you.

Would you prefer Kohane-chan?
You could have her on the lawn…


Not Kohane-chan, not on the lawn.
Not Doumeki, not with a tree.
I would not fuck them in the house.
I would not fuck them with a mouse.
I do not need a worthless screw.
I do not need it, so fuck you.

Would you? Could you?
Himawari!
Always did make your eyes go starry.


I would…uh.
Could…uh.
~*Himawari!*~

You may like her, but you knew
She's now got a husband, too.


I do not want her husband too.
I’m not that desperate for a screw.
But but but but…boohoohoo~

I do not want Kohane-chan.
I do not want her on the lawn.
I do not want that Doumeki
I do not want it with a tree.
I do not want it in the house.
And please dear god, put down the mouse.
I do not want a worthless screw.
I do not want it, so fuck you.

Your other self! Your other self!
You could lick your other self!


You’re fucking nuts – you’ve lost your mind.
Masturbation makes you blind.
I would not, could not with Syaoran.
No matter how it turns me on.
I will not do Kohane-chan.
I will not do her on the lawn.
I will not do that Doumeki
I will not do it with a tree.
I will not do it, so fuck you.

Hey!
Master-
wha?
It’s incest - duh!
That might be more your thing, huh?


It’s not my thing,
You little cu-

Would you, could you with his wife?

I would not, could not with this with his wife.
I would not ever in my life.
I will not fuck my other self,
I will not fuck the ninja’s elf.
Not in the house, not on the lawn.
Not with the mouse – I will not spawn!
I do not want a worthless screw.
I do not need it, so fuck you!

You’re sure you don’t want to get laid?

I would rather not get paid.

Could you, would you with a goat?



! ! !


Sorry, that was just a quote…

I do not believe it was a quote
I think you’d like to fuck a goat.
But I will not succumb to strife
I shall not fuck my other’s wife.
I will not lick my other self,
I will not fuck the ninja’s elf.
I do not want Kohane-chan.
I do not want her in the lawn.
I will not do that Doumeki-
Not at all, why can’t you see?
I do not want a worthless screw.
I do not need it, so fuck you.

You do not want it,
SO YOU SAY.
Try it! Try it!
And you may.
Try them all at once, I say!


Woah!
I can do them all at once?
Why not say that before?
You dunce!

Hey!
I like this multi-partner thing.
Now watch as my limp dick does spring-
Three inches out from where it sat.
And my heart goes pitter-pat-
I never thought of it like that.
How do we get them all right here?
Tell me, Mokona my dear.

So I can do that Doumeki
While hanging down from up the tree
To play with dear Kohane-chan,
Spread out naked in the lawn.
And then I’ll lick my other self,
And tweak the nipples of the elf.
I’ll save some steam for Sakura-
A Syao-Wata ménage-a-trois.

And I will do them in the house.
And I will even get the mouse.
And in the den. And on the deck.
Up in the loft. Their worlds I’ll wreck.
I do quite like this getting laid.
I’ll see to it that you get paid.
As soon as they are all right here.
Now hop right to it
Mokona dear.

Watanuki is a fiend,
To get his neglected whistle cleaned.
But the porn will have to wait,
For Mokona has got a date
With the kinkmeme, for to tell
Of Watanuki's horny spell.


Date: 2012-01-31 11:39 pm (UTC)
nemothefairy: (Kuro-mess)
From: [personal profile] nemothefairy
Holy shit!

You know, I was just thinking about `Is there a Dreamwidth-comm for Doumeki and Watanuki?´ when I checked the reading-page, and BOOM... there is this. You hear the cracking noise? That´s my ribs from laughing and my poor little brain that can not contain this XD

Oh my, it reads like those counting rhymes for children, and now I will have it playing over and over in my mind the whole day... just like the "Twelve Days of Christmas"!

Going to the laundromat - I would not like some Doumeki. I would rather fuck a tree.

Going shopping - I do not need a worthless screw. I do not need it, so fuck you.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MEEEE? >___<

Date: 2012-01-31 11:41 pm (UTC)
nemothefairy: (Default)
From: [personal profile] nemothefairy
Oh... and I wanted to add "Get well soon"... orz

Lots of chamomile tea and blankets and hugs!

Date: 2012-01-31 11:48 pm (UTC)
nemothefairy: (Default)
From: [personal profile] nemothefairy
You´d never think she was this evil... and yet she wrote this steaming pornetry for LFM... :DDD and she get´s an extra-hug for egging you on, definetly!

I GUESS YOU NEVER DO... THANK GOD! <3

Date: 2012-02-01 01:49 am (UTC)
bottan: (Oh no you didn't)
From: [personal profile] bottan
PFFT, SHE DIDN'T EVEN WANT MY AWESOME SUGGESTIONS FOR RHYMING:

Watanuki-kun
Watanuki-kun
I wouldn't do him with a spoon
I'd rather do a wild baboon

If I'd boink that guy at all
I would boink him up a wall
boink him till his sorry dick
was twitching with a nervous tick

He'd have to shave his donkey ass
before I'd give his hole a pass
because those hairy balls of his
deserve no kiss,
of a mouth like this

Date: 2012-02-01 03:39 am (UTC)
kittenkin: (Default)
From: [personal profile] kittenkin
*CRIES* Oh, my childhood. My brain. My everything. *wheezes helplessly* You're both terrible, wonderful, I don't even know whats.

Geisel is dead. Long live uakari and bottan.

Date: 2012-02-01 04:03 am (UTC)
nemothefairy: (Default)
From: [personal profile] nemothefairy
Honestly, I start to feel glad that this is not a part of my childhood they are messing with... although you cannot deny the ingenuity of this two :D

but my brain is broken anyway, childhood memories or not

Date: 2012-01-31 11:41 pm (UTC)
tsubasafan: buddha_loves_me (Default)
From: [personal profile] tsubasafan
xD

I'll never be able to see Dr. Suess the same way again.

Date: 2012-01-31 11:45 pm (UTC)
tsubasafan: (kurofai vamp)
From: [personal profile] tsubasafan
God, makes me think someone needs to draw them in Dr. Suess style or wearing a striped hat... >.>

Date: 2012-01-31 11:48 pm (UTC)
tsubasafan: buddha_loves_me (Default)
From: [personal profile] tsubasafan
XD I nominate her for the drawing.

Date: 2012-02-01 01:50 am (UTC)
bottan: (ehhuh)
From: [personal profile] bottan
...

/goes in search for pen and paper

Date: 2012-02-01 12:33 am (UTC)
cloverfield: (oooh shiny~!)
From: [personal profile] cloverfield


My childhood. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO IT :D

...I love you for this magnificent piece of brain breakage, and I hope you feel better soon, love.

Date: 2012-02-01 12:46 am (UTC)
cloverfield: (hug)
From: [personal profile] cloverfield
IF BY BETTER WE MEAN CORRUPTED THEN YES.

VERY MUCH YES.

YES.

Date: 2012-02-01 01:51 am (UTC)
bottan: (squee glomps)
From: [personal profile] bottan
BAHAHAH, THE PICTURES MAKE THIS EVEN BETTER! I LOVE THIS. I LOVE THIS LIKE BURNING! :DDDDDDDD

MANDA YOU'RE LIKE THE MOST AWESOME PERSON ON THE INTERNET. RUINING CHILDHOODS, FOREVER. /THUMBS UP

/HUGS YOU TO DEATH

Date: 2012-02-01 02:00 am (UTC)
bottan: (syaoran serious)
From: [personal profile] bottan
/appropriately revives you by ripping cables out of the wall

I ONLY POINTED AT THE PROMPT, YOU WERE LIKE, "I WANT TO FILL THIS WITH CHILDREN RHYMES," ALL ON YOUR OWN.

Date: 2012-02-01 07:57 am (UTC)
mikkeneko: (Default)
From: [personal profile] mikkeneko
I notice repeated references to trees in there... lucky for Watanuki that the tree gets included in the final stanza, since he seems to have a thing for it XD

Date: 2012-02-01 12:53 pm (UTC)
eijentu: (fai glomps yuui)
From: [personal profile] eijentu
THERE ARE NO WORDS, THERE IS ONLY UNCONTROLLABLE LAUGHTER <333

(Also, Fai should be referred to as an elf always.)

Date: 2012-02-03 01:21 am (UTC)
aija: art by kittenkin (faigin)
From: [personal profile] aija
I generally enjoy your crack, because it never fails to break my brain. The pictures are perfectly suited and though I'll never quite believe Watanuki is THAT flexible (though, I wonder *sometimes*), the flashes of imagination this sparked in my mind were endlessly entertaining! *dreamy look*



I still wonder about the tree thing, but then.. Clamp people are more often than not named after plants (and sometimes animals), so why not.. but then I faintly remember that the one in the yard of the shop was a Sakura. Think of Tokyo Babylon and ... ah no. Won't go there. I'll just innoccently enjoy this and not think deep thoughts.

Kimi-chan, we KNEW you had it in you! These flexible hips aren't just for show! <3<3<3

Date: 2012-11-21 08:23 pm (UTC)
little_echo: (Fai tattoo)
From: [personal profile] little_echo
Is it weird that when I found this at the kinkmeme I instantly had the notion that it was your work?
Something as porny and cracky as this? *lol*

Because you are the Grand Mistress of Crack.

And I laughed, so so so hard. XD
Also, the pics. ^_^

LUUUUUUUV IT!

January 2013

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