DOW 10

Sunday, August 29th, 2010 10:30 pm
uakari: (Punishment)
[personal profile] uakari
Title: Days of Our Wings, Chapitre 10: The Whereabouts of Mokona
Rating: T
Disclaimer: not mine
Summary: Chi Chai Monchan busts loose for a night on the town.  It's a good thing the boys have a large supply of Swedish Fish to lure her back...

 

Chapitre 10: The Whereabouts of Mokona
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"Where did that meat bun disappear to now?" Kurogane seemed less concerned than frightened as he slammed the skillet down onto the stove and began rummaging for some eggs in the miniature refrigerator. "Every time it disappears we end up just a little bit more scarred for life."

"Would you keep it down?" Fay hissed at him over his mug of coffee, glancing nervously over his shoulder, "The three of them are still sleeping."

"It's seven in the morning! They had all night to sleep and instead they spent it on some wild goose chase through town to find that…thing," the ninja sputtered, glaring at a suspiciously cute statue of a monkey with bananas balanced on its head that was taking up most of the counter, "And then they came back here – stinking like a Bangkok brothel, mind you – and proceeded to make brownies at three AM!"

Fay chuckled. "That 'thing' was the price Kakei wanted for helping Syaoran out. And, they're seventeen…eighteen…somewhere in there? At any rate, they're supposed to be doing things like that. Besides, why do you know what a Bangkok brothel smells like?"

"Who doesn't? Their tuna is legendary."

The hot coffee that sprayed from the magician's nose definitely did not improve the timbre of their conversation, though he had to admit his sinuses had never felt clearer. "Kuro-pipi, are you, in fact, confusing the little Thai restaurant down the street with a…house of ill repute?"

Kurogane cracked an egg into the pan. "It's pretty reputable. I mean, most places around here do it raw, but this place…damn…and right on the table too…" he trailed off, looking for a spatula.

"You are talking about curry, aren't you?"

"Hnn? Yeah, what else would I be talking about?" He shook some salt over the eggs before lifting them onto a plate and shuffling backwards to avoid knocking into the rice cooker perched on the edge of the counter.

"I don't think I have ever seen you this distracted…" Fay mused as his breakfast was set down in front of him. "Kuro-sama certainly has a one-track mind in the kitchen."

"What are you talking about?" Kurogane set his own breakfast down on the floor and sat cross-legged next to the magician, making sure to arrange the pickle dishes and soy sauce *just so*.

Fay smirked. "You do realize that you're not wearing anything under that apron, don't you?"

"You say that like you think it's an accident."

"Definitely best to keep the volume down then."


* * * * *


Syaoran awoke to an eleven piece percussion ensemble playing inside of his head which quickly transformed itself into an eleven piece percussion ensemble plus electric bass with distressing reverb as he attempted to sit up. The apartment was silent except for the chirping of birds perched outside the windows. However, even this was too much stimulus to cope with in his current delicate condition, and he moaned loudly as he dragged himself Navy-Seal style with his elbows to the bathroom.

After thoroughly purging the remnants of the night before, Syaoran was left to clumsily reconstruct the events that had led him to this point. Fortunately, the current tilted position of his head into the porcelain bowl had the effect of staunching the blood flow away from his brain, and as more and more red cells accumulated in the swamp of alcohol and curry currently sloshing around his most important nerve center he found he was able to achieve a bit more clarity of thought. Not that that was really a feat, considering the unrelenting parade of pornographic Mickey Mouse cartoons dancing through his head only moments before. Still, it was an improvement, and he wondered sourly why no one had told him about this incredibly Zen position before.

Leopard print.

"Huh?" He jerked his head back in surprise. Which part of last night had involved a leopard print…no…surely not. Spinning, he set his head back onto the cold rim and closed his eyes.

Pole.

A pole? He began to shake his head, then thought better of it as his stomach began a second ascent into his throat and settled his forehead back into his palms. He remembered a monkey statue in a Thai restaurant, and it's overly friendly owner. They'd needed a distraction so that Rikuou could snatch the statue away…

Jaegerbombs.

Ah, yes. Therein lay the problem. A row of evil shot glasses filled with evil brown liquor backed up by evil glasses of…something nasty. The evil way the evil liquor had burned his throat on its way down, the evil way his brain had convinced him that drinking more would make the scary man leering at him over the bar disappear, the evil way his feet had carried him up onto said bar and…

Oh HELL no.

Shitshitshit! There would have to be some sort of evidence, right? He didn't own any leopard print underwear – especially not of that variety – it had to be a hallucination! He was still wearing his pants! Thank gods! And underneath

The spotted string rising above the waist of his pants dug into his hip with such fury he was amazed he hadn't noticed it before.

"Oh…" he slumped against the tile floor.

"Are you dead?"

Syaoran opened his eyes a slit to find Rikuou standing over him.

"Don't worry, we nabbed the statue and you before the audience saw anything good."

Somehow, this revelation did not ease the slow twisting of Syaoran's stomach.

"Which means," Rikuou continued, "that Kakei got his price, and we can go find your item tonight."

This did brighten Syaoran's mood, if only a little.

"You'll be alright," the taller boy said, slipping an arm under Syaoran's shoulder and helping him to his feet, "We made hangover brownies just for you."

"…Hangover…brownies…?" Visions of cat ears and clones swam in his head and he suddenly felt a renewed urge to place his head back onto its gleaming white throne.

"Yeah…we put…love into them. You'll feel better in no time."

"It's not the same 'love' that was in the last batch, is it?" Syaoran croaked.

"No, that was 'sadism' in the last batch. This is more like…a strong soluble aspirin."

"Well, I suppose that wouldn't be so bad…"

"Definitely better than lying on the bathroom floor all day trying to piece together a night you'd be better off forgetting." Rikuou gave up trying to lead Syaoran back into the main room of the apartment and opted to sling the boy over his shoulder instead.

Syaoran considered fighting against this new arrangement, but found himself going slack instead. He closed his eyes and wondered if and when he managed to split his father/clone off of himself the other him would have the same memories of last night, and whether he would be appalled or proud…


* * * * *


Kurogane had been staring at the little pink monkey for what felt like hours. In fact, it had only been several minutes since Kakei had dragged down the metal gate over the front of the Green Drug Store, declared the shop closed for the day, and enthusiastically herded the ninja and magician into the back office, but something about the statue had dominated his stream of consciousness, holding him at attention, and leaving him with a sinking feeling.

It wasn't so much the disgusting pink color of the monkey's fur, or the particularly garish shade of yellow the artist had chosen to paint the bananas balanced on its head that was upsetting him. It wasn't the ridiculous smile, or the obscene size of the thing, or even the fact that this abomination had been specifically requested by the psychic owner of the drug store as a fee to take up Syaoran's case.

No, what was really upsetting Kurogane was the manner in which the little pink bastard was currently climbing the drapes, shattering the light fixtures, and screaming terrible monkey screams as it hurled itself around the office.

"So, as you see, it will have to be sealed," Kakei stated simply, apparently unimpressed by the destruction of his office. He turned his head to the wizard, "Do you think you might be able to help with that?"

"That shouldn't be a problem," Fay replied, far too nonchalantly for the ninja's taste.

"You two…" Kurogane huffed, balling his hand into a fist. "Why don't I just knock it out right now?"

"Oh no," Kakei said, shuffling to look at the ninja, "That won't do at all. Chi Chai Monchan here needs to be awake for tonight."

Kurogane bristled. "And why is that?"

"Because it's going to lead those three to the little item Syaoran has requested." The store owner grinned.

"I thought I heard you say you'd already sent the address to their cell phones."

Kakei raised an eyebrow. "I did. But, I think they'll need a little…extra motivation to go out tonight," he closed his eyes and smiled into a deep breath, "And besides, it's so much more fun this way, don't you think?"

Kurogane stomped out of the office, muttering something about "Worse than the Dimensional Bitch" as he slammed the door.


* * * * *


Dinner that evening was a lively affair, mostly because the kitchen cupboards and refrigerator had been ransacked earlier in the evening by three starving beasts of young men apparently intent upon devouring the entire week's supply of groceries in one go. This left one red-eyed ninja, still smarting from the embarrassment of having a pink monkey with a fondness for waxed hair and slippery fingers perched on his shoulder as it massaged parts of his scalp he had forgotten existed, even more annoyed than usual. It also had the effect of producing some very interesting combinations of four letter words from the same ninja's mouth as he barreled about the apartment, snatching bags of chips and half-chewed leeks away from their ravenous wielders.

Fay had settled back to enjoy the show in the beginning, but was becoming increasingly concerned by the desperate combinations of food the trio were concocting to skirt the ninja's rage.

"Syaoran, are you really sure you want to put strawberry milk into your ramen?"

"Yes! It tastes amazing!" the conviction in his voice was only matched by the energy with which he abruptly pirouetted, his stocking feet sliding against the wooden floor as he did and slopping most of the pink milk from the bowl.

"Give me that." Kurogane snatched the bowl away, holding it high above the urgently grasping hands that followed it. "What the hell is wrong with you three? You have a job to do in 6 hours!"

"Oooh…Kuro-sama is scary!" Syaoran muttered as he collapsed on the floor in a fit of giggles.

"That's it. Bedtime for Bonzo." One massive hand gripped onto the scuff of Syaoran's neck and lifted him off the ground.

"No, Daddy! Please don't hurt me!" Syaoran continued to giggle maniacally as he was tossed toward his folded futon. He landed with a thud, then rolled to snuggle the mattress close to his torso.

"SLEEP!"

Rikuou and Kazahaya slunk dejectedly to their beds, trying to avoid eye contact lest they dissolve into a fit of giggles and suffer the wrath of the angry shinobi as well.

Fay sniffed at the tray of brownies. "Oof. These were made with a whole lot of love…"

"That's what happens when you try baking at three in the morning." Kurogane snatched the tray and tossed it into the garbage.

"Somehow I don't think it was a mistake." Fay rummaged through the ravaged cupboards in the vain hope they might have left some tea unmolested. "Ah…lovely," he sighed, finding a still intact package, "Though I don't suppose they've left any milk."

"There's never any unflavored milk," Kazahaya yelled from behind his curtain, "Stuff is nasty."

"Yeah," his roommate agreed, "It comes from cows' boobs."

"You mean udders, you idiot."

"Boobs, udders, whatever."

"Boobs are different than udders!"

"No, they're, like, the same. Boobs are just chest udders." A pause. "Chudders."

"Chudders!"

"Yay chudders!" Syaoran chimed in from the floor before resuming his light snoring.

Kazahaya let out a thoughtful hmm. "Does that mean if you culture breast milk you get chuddar cheese?"

"Um, yeah. Idiot."

"Ohmigod, chuddar cheese sounds amazing. You could have chuddar cheese and crackers!"

"Chuddar Cheez-its…"

"Chuddar Bay Biscuits…"

"Mac and Chuddar…"

"Chuddar wurst!"

"Mmmm…chuddar wurst…"

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Two red eyes flamed between the curtains separating the not-quite-trying-to-sleep drug store employees from the living area. A flash of light caught against a long, thin metallic object being slowly raised through the gap. "Or so help me, chuddar wurst is going to be the only kind of 'wurst' either one of you has left!"

Kurogane trudged back to the kitchen, enveloped by a sudden and surprisingly peaceful silence. He accepted the cup of tea offered to him and slunk against the wall. "Aren't you going to yell at me for being a violent, unmanageable dog now?"

Fay chuckled and sipped his tea. "No, I actually thought that was quite restrained. This might actually be the one time I think your subtle threats of emasculation didn't go quite far enough."

"…You didn't eat the brownies too, did you?"

"Just one."


* * * * *


"Why do we have to bring this monkey thing with us again?" Kazahaya wondered aloud as he yanked on the leash tethering him to the beast. One in the morning, he decided, was definitely not the ideal time to be playing tug-of-war with an unduly obstinate primate in the middle of the road.

"It's supposed to lead us to whatever we're looking for," Rikuou rubbed his eyes, still somewhat loved-over.

"But it keeps pulling away from the address Kakei gave us and…ARGH!" Kazahaya gave a vicious tug on the chain as the monkey pulled toward a temple gate. "Stupid monkey." He moved to pick up the struggling beast, but was caught by sharp teeth as his hands wrapped around its waist. The monkey took advantage of his momentary pain-induced stupor and climbed to his head, yanking violently on the teenager's hair, and proceeded to point toward the gate and scream.

"Let's go in here," Syaoran said, "This place looks kind of familiar…"

"Yeah, whatever, just get this thing off of me," Kazahaya whined, fighting with the monkey for control over the direction of his face. The monkey seemed satisfied by Syaoran's abrupt shift in direction and abandoned its grip, slinking down to rest on Kazahaya's shoulder. It chirped happily as the trio stole through the gate.

"What are we looking for again?" Syaoran whispered, very aware of the lights burning through the windows of the temple.

"A storage shed," Rikuou answered, falling to the rear of the group as he paused to squint into the darkness. "That thing there?" He pointed toward an outline in the distance.

Kazahaya shrugged. "Who knows? Let's take a look." The monkey on his shoulder squealed appreciatively. "It's locked," he whined, taking a step backward.

"Of course it's locked, idiot," Rikuou muttered, holding his hand over the door handle, "What's the point of even having a shed if you don't lock it?" The door handle pulsed and snapped as the locking mechanism within was destroyed. Rikuou pushed the door open and motioned to Syaoran and Kazahaya to follow him inside.

From the minimal amount of moonlight spilling into the room, the trio could make out that the interior walls of the shed were lined with bookshelves, which in turn were stuffed with books and scrolls and overflowing boxes. The boxes spilled over onto the floor, creating a darkened labyrinth of cardboard and wood around the shelves.

"…and we're just supposed to sort through all of this and automatically know what it is we're looking for when we find it?" Kazahaya whined.

Rikuou smirked. "You could just try touching a couple things…"

"I'm not reading anything else ever for as long as I live…AHH!"

"What's wrong?"

"I tripped over something. Where's my flashlight?" Kazahaya frantically stuffed his hands into the pockets of his coat.

"No!" Rikuou grabbed his arm and hissed, "There are windows – we can't chance being seen."

"But we can't see anything!"

"Aww, are you scared of the dark again?"

"What? No! I just…"

"Do you want me to hold you?"

"Get off of me, you big lug! Oh, shit…"

"What did you do now?"

"I dropped the leash."

"You idiot. Is it still by you?"

"I don't know! I think…WAHH!" Something hard collided with Kazahaya's head.

"You tripped again?"

"No, something hit my…dammit!" Something else hard collided with Kazahaya's head. "It's throwing things at me!"

"I see it!" Syaoran hissed, squinting toward one particularly overcrowded shelf. In the blackness he was just able to make out a small black shadow climbing the shelves, sniffing objects before haphazardly tossing them over its shoulder. "It's searching the shelf…"

"It must know what it's looking for," Rikuou said plainly, "Otherwise we wouldn't have had to bring it. Just move in around it so we can catch it once it finds whatever it is."

The trio crept silently toward the bookshelf, careful to avoid the maze of clutter on the ground. They had nearly reached their target when the monkey burst into a sudden flurry of activity, shouting and jumping up and down excitedly.

"It must have found it," Rikuou hissed, "Let's grab it and get out of…watch out!" His warning, however, was uttered a moment too late, as the bookshelf had already begun to tip forward and within seconds had crashed to the floor, flinging its contents into and around the started trio.

"Is everyone alright?" Syaoran whispered tentatively.

"Fine."

"I told you to get off of me, you big lug!"

"I'm not on you."

"Yes you are!"

"Really? Then why do you sound so far away?"

"Well, someone's arm is around my waist…"

"Yo."

"Who was that?"

"Who was what?"

"Yo."

"That."

"How should I know? There are no tags on any of the dialogue."

"That's because it's dark. But I definitely heard a fourth voice…and there is definitely still an arm around me…oh screw it." Kazahaya flicked on the flashlight. Syaoran started in surprise.

"Doumeki?"

"Yo."

"What the…? How…? Why…?"

"Your monkey is ransacking my shrine."

"Of course it is…"


* * * * *


Mahjong tiles clinked quietly against a table. A ninja let out a deep sigh of despair.

"I don't have any more money."

"Then it's your shirt. Pay up."

"Oh, come on."

"Keep whining and it'll be your pants as well." Kakei grinned evilly and shuffled the tiles.

"Shouldn't they be back by now?" Fay wondered aloud as Kurogane stripped. He appreciated a good floor show as much as the next man, but the vein in the ninja's forehead was pulsing threateningly.

"Not just yet."


* * * * *


"Explain to me again why we are doing this?" Syaoran demanded, eyeing the empty cellophane bags collecting around his feet and wincing as their gummy red contents were wetted and stuck to his skin.

Doumeki scowled. "Because monkeys will do anything for Swedish Fish."

"Why would you even know something like that?"

The taller man shrugged. "I thought everyone knew that."

Syaoran sighed. "Is it really necessary to tie me to the tree?"

"This way you can't make any sudden movements and scare it off," Rikuou insisted, though a smile was clearly threatening to turn the corners of his mouth.

"Can I at least have my shirt back?"

"No." Doumeki licked the final fish and plastered it across Syaoran's chest. "It's better this way."

"For who?"

"Everyone."

With that, Doumeki, Rikuou, and Kazahaya slunk back under the cover of the bushes to wait. Syaoran shivered in the cool night air and silently cursed the concealed trio, monkeys, Swedish Fish, and anything else that had the misfortune of creeping into his mind at that moment. Fortunately, he was not left to suffer long, as the cercopithecoid bane of his existence crept out from under the porch in short order, sniffing excitedly at the trail of red gummy fish. Slowly, it made its way along the trail, stuffing its mouth full of gelatinous fishy goodness as it went. Syaoran was forced to stare in mute horror as it began its ascent up his legs – he really had no idea how powerful the grasping hands and feet of the little buggers were until he felt them tugging and twisting first at the material of his pants and then at the exposed skin of his chest.

Keep still, he reminded himself sternly, Don't scare it away

He heard muffled laughter from the bushes.

Keep still…

He grimaced as the little pink bastard gripped onto an especially sensitive nub of skin and twisted…

Oh sod it.

"OWWWWW!"

The muffled laughter grew to an outright roar.

The monkey disappeared into the night.


* * * * *


Fay looked up from his tiles as a clamor of shouting and banging ascended the staircase outside the apartment. The door was flung open unceremoniously and four dour-faced young men stomped in, scowling and murmuring curses at one another.

Kakei raised an eyebrow. "Rough night, boys?"

"It was a waste," Rikuou grunted, pushing past the others and stomping toward his side of the curtain. "The monkey is gone, the thing he wanted is gone, and I'm going to bed."

Kakei snickered. "Oh? What's that over there then?" He motioned toward the kitchen counter.

A garish statue of a pink monkey with bananas balanced on its head stared at the group. A small wooden box sat next to it, its top flipped open to reveal an oversized jelly pacifier in the shape of a cat's face.

"It's…back to normal?" Syaoran gulped. "You mean it came back here on its own? And what the hell is that thing?" He eyed the contents of the box suspiciously.

"You're going to have to figure out what it is and how to use it by yourself – I just provide the service of finding it," Kakei smiled sweetly, "And as far as Chi Chai Monchan goes, we left a trail of Swedish Fish back to the store… "

Doumeki scowled.

"And then I sealed it," Fay finished, not lifting his eyes from the mahjong table.

Kurogane shifted, eyes also not daring to leave the table. "What's…Doumeki doing here?"

"Well, it was his family's shrine that we broke into, and…" he paused. Were his companions…blushing? "He has a message for us from Watanuki and wanted to say hi…" he trailed off, growing concerned by the way the ninja and the magician were now fidgeting uncomfortably and trying quite obviously to avoid any sort of eye contact. He considered chalking this up to the fact that Kurogane was currently sporting only three mismatched socks for clothing, but quickly discarded this explanation; the ninja's threshold for embarrassment (and public exposure) was generally far higher than this.

"Watanuki says your Mokona has to go. It's been eating and drinking him out of house and home and leaving stains on all of his carpets."

"That's where the manjuu is?" Kurogane growled in disbelief.

"He also suggests you get it litter-trained."

Kurogane seethed. "I can only imagine what this is going to cost us…"

"Calm down, Kuro-tan," Fay soothed, "It's not like we knew we were even in the same dimension…"

"Actually," Doumeki continued, "The price has already been paid."

"Good." Kurogane kept his eyes averted as Doumeki said his goodbyes and left. "I told you. Every time that manjuu disappears…"

"We end up more scarred…" Fay finished, shaking his head.

Syaoran was confused. "What do you mean 'scarred?'"

The ninja and magician locked eyes, sharing a glance, the depth of which only those who have stumbled upon their friend's secret stash of homemade porn can truly appreciate. "Never mind," Fay insisted, waving his hand and forcing a grin. Some things were best left a mystery. "What was the price he was talking about, I wonder?"

Syaoran clutched his chest protectively. "Never mind that."

Some things were indeed best left a mystery.


A/N: Yes, monkeys will indeed do (almost) anything for Swedish Fish (No, really. They will – I have the video to prove it). Unfortunately, they will also piss on your head, pull your hair, and attempt to sexually assault you without warning. Please don't try this at home…

 


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