uakari | Badfic Generator XD

Totally ganked this from

fieldofclover : The Terrible Crossover Fanficiont Idea Generator!

I went to play with it and got this as my first prompt:

Your challenge is to write crossover fanfiction combining Cardcaptor Sakura and the National Football League.
The story should use unclogging a toilet as a plot device!

Generated by the Terrible Crossover Fanfiction Idea Generator

I figured it had to be a sign...XD Bad!fic is below the cut!

"Alright you useless ragamuffins!" Coach Yue shouted at his ragtag team of misfits (or the Tomoeda Lion-Bear-Things, as they were known in common parlance), "We've had nothing but bad press since this season started. I don't know what I am more ashamed of; the sex scandal between our corner back and wide reciever - that somehow managed to get caught on tape," - the wide receiver in question flushed a deep shade of red (the wide reciever's older brother also turned red, though this was probably more related to the rage swimming in his eyes than to any sense of embarassment) - "Or the fact that we haven't won a single game!"

"But didn't they look stunning in the video?" a starry-eyed halfback wondered aloud, her hands clasped just below her chin, "If only I- I mean, the evil, hidden cameraman had been able to get a better angle-"

"Tomoyo..." Coach Yue slapped a hand across his forehead, "That is most emphatically not the point. The point is that there is not supposed to be any inter-teammate hanky panky and Sakura and Syaoran both decided to flout this rule-" he paused, eyes flicking angrily across his team's sullen faces, "Where is Syaoran, anyway? The game starts in fifteen minutes!"

"He's, um," Sakura stuttered and stared at the floor, "There was a problem with one of the toilets in the locker room and-"

"Oh for-" Yue slapped his palm to his face for what felt like the millionth time that morning, "There are janitors for that!"

"It was really bad," she mumbled and cowered away from his glare.

Yue sighed. Things like this always seemed to happen on their best days. They were scheduled to take on the Minnesota Vikings in only a few minutes - the one game all year that they might have a shot at winning, as it was common knowledge that the only team that sucked harder than the Tomoeda Lion-Bear-Things was the horned-helmet losers of the north... He growled low in his throat, "Did one of you girls flush something...feminine again?"

"Yue!" Tomoyo squealed indignantly, "That's sexual harassment!"

"And completely inappropriate," Touya, the unimpressed brother-to-Sakura and totally-not-engaging-in-inter-teammate-hanky-panky-with-the-coach quarterback muttered.

"FINE!" Yue shouted, finally reaching the end of his tether, "Just get him out here and on the field!"

"There's a major problem coach!"

"REALLY?" Yue spun to find his missing corner back leaning against (practically hanging from, in fact) a row of lockers, soaking wet and dripping with....EW. "Syaoran, what the hell is all over you?"

"It's the pipes, Coach!" Syaoran gasped, "They couldn't take it! The field is-"

Yue could feel the grimace descending upon his face, yanking the lids of his eyes and corners of his mouth ever closer to the floor, where they would probably be completely subsumed by the growing puddle of...oh sweet Jesus! "Everyone out!" he shouted and sprang for the doorway before any of the putrid stink could soak into his long, coiffured hair, "Run for the hills! Every man, woman and child for themselves!"

His team didn't waste much time in following his lead, and he found himself somewhat awed by both their aggressive stampede and the sheer amount of tackling and sidelining he saw in their exit - apparently all that training had paid off...too bad it wouldn't be any use now.

"The repair bill is going to come to $1,000,000 with all of the burst pipes and damaged sod on the field!" Yue sobbed against Touya (who he had certainly not just engaged in inter-teammate-hanky-panky with), "We're going to have to sucker the taxpayers into building us a new stadium again! And all because some stupid asshole decided to flush a condom! Who does that??"

Touya coughed. "Um..."

"Goddamn it, you didn't."

"I..."

"No more shower sex for you, buck-o."